The First Year

I'm not good enough with words to describe what this first year of motherhood has been like. And even if one IS good with words, it's still difficult to adequately recount a year's worth of emotions, events, and life lessons in a single blog post... But I'll do my best. I have LOVED being Holland's mom. Keith and I are SO grateful that she chose to be a part of our family. I love her puckered lip face, her RBF (resting bulldog face), and her gap-toothed, squinty-eyed smile. I love how proud she is of herself when she learns something new, most recently how to high five. I love the growls, the grunts, and the giggles. I love playing peek-a-boo, making animal sounds, reading, dancing, and snuggling.

This first year has flown by, but that doesn't mean that every second was easy. (I mean, Holland is by definition, an easy baby, but there were still hard times.) There were many sleepless nights, but thankfully, both Keith and I have always functioned well on little sleep. There were moments of plain stupidity, like when I was trying to feed her rancid breast milk... For months I thought that she just refused bottles, so i could never leave her side for more than a few hours. There were times I would get so ANGRY without 'justification'. The kind of fury that made me feel empathetic for the people who shake their babies. At the beginning, Holland and I spent a lot of time in separate rooms. Postpartum hormones are just as wild as pregnancy hormones.

But those hard times taught me a LOT of lessons. First of all, I realized that I have many people in my life who love me. Like REALLY love me. And I am SO SO unbelievably thankful for that. I have learned that nobody is perfect. I have learned that I can't control everything. I have learned that worrying doesn't do anyone any good. I have learned that sometimes messes need to be made. And probably the most important lesson I've learned is that I'm not alone. Someone, somewhere sings the same lullabies to her baby as I do to Holland. Someone has had the same reaction in a certain situation as me. And mothers everywhere have felt the EXACT same feelings that I feel. There is always someone to talk to who knows what I'm going through. I just have to find them!

Keith and I both consider ourselves so blessed to be parents to our Holland girl. She is just perfect for us and more than we deserve. I wish I could stop her from growing up, but at the same time, I can't wait for her to continue to experience new things and go on more adventures. Love this sweet one of mine with my whole heart. Here's to year two!

The difference a year makes <3