Sick Baby

Holland really is the easiest baby. She's so wonderful and happy 90% of the time, which just makes that other 10% more difficult. We flew back to PA for Christmas and unfortunately Holland has been a bit sick most of the time. She is on the mend now, thankfully. But on top of her being sick, she's been cutting teeth. Ya know how it is, just bones growing through your skin. Sounds fun, huh? Yeah, I'll pass. Anyway, even though she's been sick, she's still super happy pretty much all day long. We haven't really even had many issues with her naps since being here. The biggest issue we've had is her sleeping at night. She's been waking up more than normal and unable to get to sleep. Then she just screams because she's exhausted and can't sleep and doesn't know what else to do. I feel ya kid, it's kind of made your mom and I want to scream too. At least she hasn't been keeping the rest of the family up.

When we are trying to get her to go back to sleep, she just wants to hold my hand. It's simultaneously the most obnoxious thing and the most precious thing ever. I'm sitting here kneeling on the floor draping myself over the edge of her pack and play resting on my arm pits so she can grab my hand. But she's just holding my hand right up by her face. I love that even though she's miserable, she is able to be comforted by holding tight to me. I know she won't always need my hand on her face to fall asleep when she's sick/feeling bad. But I do hope that no matter how big she gets, she will always find comfort in me. Like I said, it's not exactly fun if I'm thinking about how uncomfortable I am, but how can I not just deal with the discomfort when I know how much she needs me?

Being Holland's Dad is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hope you're able to sleep better tonight baby girl.

Dino-baby

Holland growls. Like, a lot. Haha. Julie has referred to her as our dino-baby because she sounds like a dinosaur when she's growing at us. She's not mad (typically) when she growling, that's just the sound she's decided to make. It's adorable.

The other night, right as Julie and I were heading to bed, we hear her growling in her room. I checked the baby monitor and she was laying flat on her face, arms out, not moving, just growling. It was too funny! She eventually stood up in her crib, so I went in and gave her pacifier to her. She immediately laid back down and was out for the rest of the night. Maybe she was talking in her sleep while dreaming about being a dinosaur?

Also, she likes to give herself a double chin while she eats. It's also hilarious. Here's a picture

Also also, blueberry pancakes while wearing white pants may not have been the best idea ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Pregnancy Weeks 34-Our Surprise Delivery!

Honestly after the past few weeks, it's hard for me to remember the details of where we left off, but I'll try my best!

At my appointment on February 27th, I was 34 weeks, and remember, I had to get more blood drawn that day because they lost the samples they got a few weeks prior. I previously mentioned that this pregnancy was helping me cope with my fear of needles. Well, let me just say, I spoke too soon. When they were drawing my blood at this appointment, I ended up passing out... So I was going to have to try AGAIN at my 36 week appointment! UGH. Also, my OB told me that at my 36 week appt I was going to get my group B strep test done. I had no idea what that was. For anyone else who doesn't know, Group B strep is a bacteria that lives on some peoples' skin, like 25 percent of people. It's harmless to us, and you wouldn't even know you have it unless you got tested for it, but apparently it can be harmful to babies who are delivered vaginally. So most pregnant women get tested for it. My OB told me that this test consisted of a vaginal swab and an anal swab... Not gonna lie, I was NOT looking forward to any sort of anal swab haha. Oh well. It is what it is!

My 36 week appointment arrived on March 13. As per usual, the first thing I did when I got called by the nurse was get my blood pressure and weight taken. My blood pressure was HIGH. Like, the nurse was shocked kind of high. I think it was something like 151/101? I then told her all about my white coat syndrome, and we kind of laughed about it, and she decided it would be good to check it again. After just 2 minutes, it had lowered to 127/90, which is still borderline high but 'normal' for me. Who could blame me for having high blood pressure though? I was mentally preparing for an anal swab! Which didn't even happen!!! That last OB totally lied to me haha. It was JUST a vaginal swab. Why would you lie to someone about something like that?! I also had my cervix checked. I was dilated to 1 cm. After that, I had to go back to the lab for that dreaded blood draw. I was just praying I wouldn't pass out again. I walked in and immediately told the nurse that my veins are deep and hard to find so that she could prepare. (I'm sure phlebotomists hear things like that a lot, and they probably roll their eyes at those people, but I have the perpetual pin hole scars and bruises to prove it.) For example, this woman couldn't find a single good vein in my elbow or forearm, so she went to my hand where she ended up blowing a vein... That hurt. A lot. Then this other woman tried to find a vein on me. Again, NOTHING in either elbow or forearm, but she found a vein on my other hand. She stuck me, and FINALLY, after 6 weeks of trying to get this bloodwork done, I fill the necessary vials, and they are properly sent off to be reviewed. I also had to give a urine sample as part of this test regimen.

I had another appointment the following week on March 20, and it just so happened that the OB I had scheduled for this appointment was the same OB who ordered all of that bloodwork many moons ago! My blood pressure at this appointment was extremely high again. Maybe 156/110! Honestly I thought it was because I wasn't looking forward to seeing this doctor again. So I had the nurse recheck, like last time, assuming it would go down. I think it actually went up... Woof. So my doctor is looking over my chart, mumbling about my blood test results. I had lots of protein in my urine, my blood pressure was really high, but my liver function was good, and my blood was clotting normally. I wasn't even exactly sure what he was looking for in those tests. He never told me. But all of a sudden, this guy pulls out his cell phone, calls the labor and delivery floor of the hospital, and says, "I'm sending over Julie Adams to be triaged for preeclampsia." (Preeclampsia is a pregnancy condition that could lead to serious or even fatal complications for both my baby and I) I'm sitting there awkwardly on that examination table, like, "WHAT?!" Apparently that was what the tests were for. Preeclampsia. I passed two of them and failed two of them, and basically, I was being sent to the hospital to be retested to see if the results were the same. Not what I expected to do that morning, but okay.

I arrived at the hospital at about 11:30am and got checked in. I put my little robe on and got assigned a room. I had to provide a urine sample, and then a nurse came in to draw some blood. Unlike the ladies at my OB office, this one listened to my warnings and was able to find a vein on her first try! I almost cried I was so happy haha. I had to wait for the results of these tests, so I ended up sitting in that hospital room for about two hours. The nurse that was assigned to me was really cool though, so I didn't mind my stay that much. At roughly 2:00pm, the OB comes into my room. I passed the same two tests and failed the same two tests, which apparently was enough for them to officially diagnose me with preeclampsia. And guess what! When a pregnant woman is diagnosed with preeclampsia, they deliver the baby at 37 weeks. And guess who was at 37 weeks!!! This girl.

Honestly, after the OB told me that they were going to keep me there and induce me, I lost my mind. I was definitely not expecting to have a baby that day haha. Keith and I WEREN'T prepared. I didn't even have my hospital bag packed. It's not like I wasn't excited for my baby to get here! And the idea of no longer being pregnant was really quite appealing. I'm just a control freak, and I don't like surprises, especially surprises of that magnitude. Anyway, I just started SOBBING. I called Keith and told him it was time for him to come home from work. Good thing he was doing onsite work up in Sandy, and it was gonna take him over an hour to get to me. Anyway, he came to my aid, and we made phone calls to our parents and other family members to inform them of what was going on. And I guess at some point I stopped bawling.

They started the induction process at about 3pm. The plan was to give me misoprostol tablets to soften my cervix. After 3-4 doses of this, given every 3-4 hours, my cervix would supposedly dilate to a 3 or 4. I came in dilated at a one... So immediately I knew this was going to be a LONG night and a long process altogether. Well, I was given this medication through the night, and I had my cervix checked at every dosage. By the time the morning came around, I had only dilated to a 1.5... and I'm pretty sure that was a result of those cervix checks! Not even the medication. Well, that didn't work.

The next step was to insert a balloon catheter which is pretty much as uncomfortable as it sounds. Basically a tube with 2 deflated balloons is inserted so that one balloon is on either side of my cervix. The balloons are then inflated with saline solution which puts pressure on the cervical cells and helps with dilation. The doctor said I would be dilated to a 4 within 2.5-3 hours. Every 30-60 minutes, a nurse would come gently tug on the end of the catheter. (If I was dilated the amount I was supposed to be, the catheter was supposed to just slide out.) Well, after 3 hours, I was still at a 1.5. My body was NOT having this induction. I was getting so so hopeless. I had already been in the hospital for 24 hours, and I had dilated half a centimeter! At this rate, it was gonna take me a month to have this baby!!! The only upside was that during this time, I actually started feeling my contractions! So that was exciting! (It made me FEEL like I was making progress even though I wasn't...) They were slightly uncomfortable but not yet painful. Anyway, I ended up having the catheter in for 6 hours! One of my nurses noticed my distress and lack of patience, and she came to check me. She started tugging on the end of the catheter, and it felt the same as it had all morning. It wasn't gonna come out. Until she literally PULLED IT OUT OF ME! WOW! What a surprise that was. It hurt SO BAD! And her actual words were, "Well, I guess we're at a 4 now!" Thanks I guess. At least we made some progress?

Anyway, now that I was dilated to a 4, the OB could break my water, which hopefully would speed the process along. They prepped me by putting a pile of towels underneath me, but it wasn't enough. My entire pregnancy, the doctors and sonographers told me I had "a lot of fluid." I didn't know exactly how much until this moment haha. So the OB broke my water, and it just came gushing. The doctor immediately said, "That's a lot of fluid." And then a few seconds later with more urgency, "That's a lot of fluid!" He looked at the nurse and yelled, "Code water! Bring reinforcements! Build a dam!" She immediately ran to get more towels haha. (This OB was freaking hilarious. The 5-10 minutes he spent in my room during this event were easily the best 5-10 minutes of my entire 6 day hospital stay.) After, the water stopped running, he picked up the pile of wet towels and said, "You legitimately probably just lost 10 pounds." No complaints from me there!

This OB then asked if/when I wanted an epidural. Now that my water was broken, they were going to drastically increase my pitocin levels. They started me at a level 1 when they inserted my balloon catheter and increased me 1 level every hour. Now I was going to be increased 2 levels every hour until I got to level 20 (the highest level). I told the OB I was planning on delivering med free. He obviously supported my decision but then informed me that because of my circumstances (first child, induction, high pitocin levels, my slow/lack of progress), it was going to be an excruciating delivery. I can't remember his exact words, but they were something along the lines of, "There's not much else that could make this more painful for you." He was encouraging but also honest, which I appreciated.

I decided to go for it med free, like I originally planned. I wanted to have SOME control during this delivery! Well, after many long hours of VERY painful contractions occurring about 60-90 seconds apart, I gave in. I had made it to level 17 of pitocin before I couldn't handle it anymore. I decided to get the epidural. By the way, I hadn't progressed at ALL during those hours. I was still only dilated to a 4! Therefore, I had no idea how much longer I would have labored in that pain, but I knew I didn't want to do it haha. (FYI, I am VERY proud of how long I lasted before asking for the epidural. I still think I have a mighty high pain threshold and that if my situation were different, I could have gone all the way. In fact, IF I ever get pregnant again, I would definitely attempt trying to go med free again. I am stubborn... or determined... or just dumb... who knows?!)

Within 15 minutes of making my decision, the anesthesiologist gave me my epidural. Let me tell you, I was a HOT mess by the time he got to me. I was in SO much pain that I couldn't even get in the position necessary to get my epidural. He kept saying to pull my knees to my chest, but the contractions were coming so frequently and were so painful, I couldn't move. Some nurses and Keith literally had to move and then hold me in the fetal position so that I could get the relief I needed. I was sobbing like a baby the whole time too. It was a rough few minutes... Everyone was being so nice and telling me how strong I was, which I obviously didn't believe but appreciated nonetheless. For real though, I can't speak highly enough of all the nurses and staff at the hospital. They were all incredibly kind, encouraging, knowledgeable, and polite. Like, 10 out of 10 would recommend.

After I got my epidural, I had to lay on each of my sides for 10-15 minutes to get the medication flowing to both sides of my body. After I finished my right side, I rolled over to my left. However, while I was on my left side, Holland's heart rate dropped. The nurses originally thought it might be because she was lying on her cord or something? So they had me wiggle around to try and move her position, but it wasn't working. Then they noticed that her heart rate was dropping every time I had a contraction. The nurse put me on oxygen so I could try to help her get enough air. Then my blood pressure dropped dramatically. Keith said it was like 60/40? Like, it was LOW...

Now I'm not sure how to describe what happened next. I don't think I can say that I "passed out" because I never lost my sight. Like, I never blacked out, but I felt unconscious in every other way. My mind felt completely detached from my body. I couldn't hear. I couldn't speak. All of a sudden, there are multiple nurses in the room. I can see them talking to me and working around me, but I have no idea what they said or did. My husband is crying. It was the weirdest experience. Eventually I "came to," and there was an OB in the room with us. Guess what! It was the same OB I saw at the office the day before who sent me to the hospital in the first place! I guess it was his turn for the night shift. What a coincidence! He walked up to me and said, "We're having a C section." Yet another curveball! Honestly at this point, I didn't mind. I remember not only accepting it, but being excited about it because at least that meant my baby could just get here! Also, I believed that the 34 hours I had already spent on the labor and delivery floor was overstaying my welcome...

So the nurses and anesthesiologist kicked it into high gear, pumping me full of medication, getting properly dressed, and wheeling me down to the operating room. I had the shakes really bad ever since I got my epidural. I was absolutely freezing, and the frigidness of that operating room did NOT help. Man alive, it was cold! But then the anesthesiologist trapped my whole upper body in this tent-like jacket? Hot air was blown into it, and eventually, I warmed up and stopped shaking. It felt fantastic. Like, I almost fell asleep while my daughter was being born fantastic haha. At some point I remember the anesthesiologist asking me if I was ready for them to start. I said yes, and he replied, "Good, because they're already halfway done." Couldn't feel a thing. Modern medicine is INSANE.

Eventually, I heard my baby girl's first cry. INSTANT TEARS. I was so happy to finally have her outside of me in my world. The nurses brought her around the left of the curtain so that Keith and I could see her in her goopy glory before they ran her to the warming room. She was flawless even in that state. Keith went with her to see her get weighed and wiped down while the doctors finished sewing/stapling me up. I could hear Holland's cry from the warm room, and she has got some LUNGS. (She usually doesn't choose to use them, but the few times she has, it has been startling to say the least.) Holland was born Thursday, March 21st, at 9:09pm. She weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz and was 20.5 inches long. Literal perfection. I wonder how big she would have been if I had been pregnant all 40 weeks... Yikes. She was born hypoglycemic, but she regulated herself and was cleared of it after about 24 hours. Oh! She also had a 4 cm goose egg on the top of her head haha. She was trying really hard to come to me! My body just wouldn't let her! It went away within an hour or two. Her head is beautiful. :)

If you look real close, you can see her tiny goose egg haha

After the doctors finished working on me, I was taken back up to my labor and delivery room where Keith and my brother Logan were waiting for me. There were lots of hugs and kisses, and then Keith went to the nursery to be with our baby girl again. Logan packed up all the stuff that was strewn about my room because we were going to be taken down to the recovery/mom and baby floor. My room there was TINY, which was only annoying because it made it difficult to have visitors. I was going to be recovering there for 4 days, the typical hospital stay for a C-section patient. I was going to be bored and want visitors!

I spent the next 4 days snuggling my baby girl, trying to get my milk to come in, eating yummy hospital food, and crying (usually out of an overwhelming feeling of gratitude but also stress and anxiety haha). The last morning of our visit, my staples were taken out, which didn't even hurt, and replaced with steri-strips. (2 weeks later, and I'm still convinced my insides are gonna fall out. How do you have major surgery and send your patient home with tape holding their incision together?!) They were supposed to remain on for 7-10 days. (I was going to keep them on as long as possible haha.)

This was after her first bath in the hospital.

Our clean, fluffy haired girl

Anyway, walking in the door to our apartment was SO comforting. I had been in the hospital for 6 days/5 nights! I have never been so homesick. My momma flew out for a quick visit. She got in Saturday night the 23rd and left the next Wednesday morning. We had 3 full days with her, and she was so incredibly helpful. I did NOT want her to go haha. My recovery has been so great though!!! I have barely had ANY pain, and my bleeding was/is so minimal. I feel SO good! Like, 2 weeks later, and I feel like I can do anything! I can't though... Recovery is 6 weeks... I don't want to tear anything... I talked to Keith about it. We're pretty sure the reason I feel so good is because I felt like honest to goodness TRASH my entire pregnancy, so anything feels better in comparison. It's hard for me to still be taking it so easy, but I can see my old self coming back, and I'm loving it.

She's working on her wink.

And her smile :)

Keith and I have been so moved by our friends, family, and even strangers who have reached out to help us over the past 2 weeks. I have never felt so loved and taken care of. Like, without a doubt, I KNOW I have people who love me and my baby girl and would do anything for us. There are literally too many people to thank. (The hospital nurses and staff for being the BEST teachers those first few clueless days of momhood. The Bushmans, Ostrins, Harrahs, Blacks, Arredondos, Crofts, my mom, and Logan for making sure we were well fed. And ALL of the many friends who sent texts/letters of reassurance, optimism, and congratulations.) Just know that Keith and I are so appreciative of your encouragement and support. We send you all our love!

She's also working on her blue steel

Anyway, that's our story. NOTHING went according to plan, but in the end, I am so glad things happened the way they did. We are so happy to have Holland and can't wait to see what life has in store for our little family.

Love our beautiful girl.

Pregnancy Weeks 25-34

Some of my friends and family members have been asking for updates recently. If you were one of those people, here you go.

Our trip to Pennsylvania for Christmas was fantastic. I did great on the plane rides, though I grossed out the people sitting around me a little bit. For the first leg of our trip, I was sitting next to my baby brother. (By the way, it has been such a blessing having him around during this pregnancy. Aside from Keith, no one takes care of me better. LOVE YOU!) Anyway, we're sitting on the plane before take-off, and I check the seat pocket in front of me for one of those little white barf bags... just in case. There aren't any, and there aren't any in my brother's seat pocket either, so he stops one of the flight attendants as she's walking by and realizes he has to ask for one. Obviously there's no graceful way to request a barf bag, so he awkwardly spits out the question, and as soon as he finishes talking, I swear everyone within three rows of ours turns around with the most disgusted looks on their faces! Like, it was hilarious haha. I knew I wasn't actually sick or contagious or anything, but I decided to just let them all wonder. :)

Being home for Christmas provided some desperately needed family time and healing for me. I met up with some old friends who I love dearly. I met my new niece, born in October, and it was love at first sight. These cousins are gonna be the best of friends, I know it. And I got the mom, dad, and sibling hugs I had been craving for so long. As well as the food I had been hankering after! Montezumas, cronuts, gibbles kettle cooked chips, and whoopie pies. Nothing better haha. I'm already obsessing over when I can come visit next.

I had an OB appt on January 9th at 27 weeks. I had a follow up ultrasound. They didn't get all the pictures they wanted at our last ultrasound because Holland NEVER stops moving. In case you don't know, our little girl moves a lot. Like, she's CONSTANTLY moving. And the only time she decides to take a break is when Keith tries to feel her. Without fail, he will put his hand on my visibly vibrating stomach, and she will freeze. It's hilarious and sad haha. So we got some new ultrasound pictures, and then I had to have my glucose test. I was convinced I was going to fail it just because I've started to expect the worst with this pregnancy. Honestly. That might seem like a sad way to view it all, but at least when things do suck, I'm never disappointed! And if things go well, it's always just a pleasant surprise! Like when I DIDN'T fail my glucose test! Pleasant surprise haha.

I had my next appointment on February 6 at 31 weeks, and I wasn't looking forward to it. The office I go to has a rotating set of doctors, so you see someone different almost every time you go in. Well, this month it was finally my turn to meet with the only doctor who had any bad reviews on the office's website. And yeah... unfortunately I would have to add to the bad reviews list. I won't go into all the details of why.

Anyway, I have a bit of white coat syndrome. For some reason, I have just always hated doctors. Like, I am so anxious every time I go in for an appointment. So when they take my blood pressure, it's always a little bit high, but if they take it again at the end of the appointment, it is considerably lower. Like 10 points each. Well, at this particular appointment, my blood pressure was even higher than normal. (I'll admit, like it was really high.) But it was because I had a dentist appointment right before my OB appt, and they told me I had my first cavity!!!!! I was distraught, okay?! So this doctor orders all these labs and blood work to be done, but honestly, I know I'm fine, just nervous. But I guess that's one of the downfalls of having a different doctor at every visit. No one really gets to know you very well. So after I meet with this doctor and he does all sorts of other things that just rub me the wrong way, I go get poked, and he orders me to come back the next week. Unnecessary, but whatever. Maybe he knows something I don't. I go back to the office on the 13th, and it turns out the lab lost all my bloodwork... I'm not bothered. As I said earlier, I've started expecting the worst. So I need to redo all those labs when I go back in this Wednesday, the 27th. If we're looking at the bright side of things, I guess I can say that this pregnancy is helping me get over my fear of needles!

All in all, I have been feeling decent the past two months. I had a friend text me the other day hoping that my "pregnancy woes have eased." I definitely wouldn't say that haha. I'm still vomiting 2-4 times every day, mostly through the night into the morning. I still have anxiety nightmares every night, and I don't sleep, and the GERD isn't helping in either of those departments. That has gotten REALLY intense this trimester... I'm still itchy all the time and probably scratch off a new layer of skin every week, so I'm covered in scars from hives I've scratched open which is annoying. But I told said friend that I think my ability to cope with my woes has gotten much better. I've only had one breakdown since Christmas? Which is AWESOME haha. We're getting so close to baby girl's due date that it's hard for me to be upset. I can't believe that in 6ish weeks, I'll finally have someone to snuggle and kiss and love to show for this hellish hard work!

I'm sure there are tons more details I could share, but the pregnancy brain game is strong right now... Anyway, as always, thank you all for your love and support. I couldn't have made it this far without you. :)